Barriers to leaving

Statistics confirm that individuals suffering from intimate partner domestic violence leave, on average, seven times before they make a permanent break from their abuser.

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The reasons survivors stay with abusers (or go back to them) are many, and it’s complicated. For example, s/he may lack financial resources, be driven to keep the family together, or justifiably fear the abuser will become even more violent and dangerous when s/he leaves. Whatever the reasons for staying, here’s the thing to know: The abuser is actively working to keep control of your loved one. Also, your loved one's concerns and fears are very real and absolutely reasonable.

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So, how do you help and keep helping? The key is to remain supportive and available over time, even if s/he doesn’t leave immediately or leaves and returns to the abuser. This is because many abusers use isolation to gain power and control, so it’s important that your loved one knows that you are there to care, to believe and to affirm her or his worth and right to safety. You will also want to tell your loved one that Hubbard House is here to help, especially if there is violence or threats of violence. Our Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at (904) 354-3114. The call is confidential and the help is free.

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Please be sure to also take care of yourself during these difficult days. Your effort to support your loved one are commendable, and you should not blame yourself if she decides to stay or returns to the abuser. Our hotline is here for you, to support you, to help you plan what you’d like to say, and to safety plan with you and for you.

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You matter to us. You are not alone.

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